The woman I shop for is much better at making plans than I am.
She suggests dinner and actually sends a date. She has somewhere to wear a plunging neckline. She never spends Friday evening admiring a dress online while deciding it is probably too late to organise anything.
I like her enormously. I keep buying her clothes.
House of CB is particularly good at introducing us. Amina, in lilac florals and lace-trimmed sleeves, suggests an evening that nobody is rushing to finish. Ysabella, with its blue roses and full skirt, has me mentally accepting lunch in somebody’s garden. I can picture the outfit, the table, even the earrings. Yet, asking someone if they’re free remains strangely beyond me.
This is the embarrassing bit: sometimes choosing what I would wear feels almost like having done something. I’ve considered the neckline. I’ve solved the shoe situation. A very productive evening, provided nobody asks whether I left the house.
I do love the dresses. But I also love who I imagine being in them: a little more adventurous, a little quicker to suggest an evening out. I’d like to be the girl who sends the message instead of waiting for one. Buying her clothes is easier than putting myself out there, and sometimes I let it stand in for trying.
Sometimes the fantasy helps. Having a look in mind gives me a little conviction: I can picture myself there, so perhaps I could suggest it. The clothes become a reason to make plans, rather than something I wait for plans to justify.
My latest temptation is Elyse. Yes, House of CB again. Pearl satin, embellishment, chiffon ruffles spilling down the front. Naturally, I’ve given her a hotel staircase. A birthday dinner might be more likely. Neither is currently in the diary.
I still want her. And I want the evening I imagined her in: dinner with someone I love, earrings catching the light, staying for another drink because we’re having too good a time to leave.
I think that’s what I’m reaching for when I shop. Something to look forward to. More time with people I love. The nerve to suggest it myself.
In my head, the girl in the dress never hesitates to ask. I do. I can spend an entire evening choosing what to wear while quietly hoping someone else will make the plans.
I’d like to be the one who makes them this time.
“Are you free on Saturday?”
Love,
Callie x
