Closet Confessions: The Item That Reminds Me Who I Was at 16

There’s a Sailor Moon sweatshirt in my wardrobe that could practically eat me alive. It’s huge, hits just above my knees, and comfy in that way only over-worn things ever are. To be honest, it’s been stashed in my pyjama drawer for years now. It’s not elegant or structured or ‘it girl’ in any sense, but it’s still one of the most important things I own.

Why you ask? 

I wore it religiously at sixteen, back when I didn’t think fashion was something I was allowed to take seriously. For a long while I thought style belonged to other girls, confident girls, pretty girls, girls who already knew exactly who they were. I wasn’t that girl yet. I was quiet, unsure, dressing for comfort because comfort felt safer than being seen.

That sweatshirt was my armour. It was big enough to hide me at a time when I didn’t want to take up space, when I was insecure about my body, when I genuinely believed I could never look good in the things I loved seeing on models and runways. And yet, ironically, it’s the piece that pushed me toward who I am now.

It reminds me of late nights watching anime on my cracked phone screen, googling Vivienne Westwood jewellery I couldn’t afford, dreaming of clothes that said something about me even when I didn’t know what that ‘something’ was yet. It reminds me of the girl who felt invisible but was full of heart, creativity, imagination, and the longing to look like the girls in the stories she loved.

It’s strictly a pyjama situation now. I have plenty of clothes I’m excited to be seen in, but I’m still keeping the enormous Sailor Moon sweatshirt.

At sixteen, I wore it because I wanted to hide. Now I keep it because I remember being that girl, and I’m fond of her. She had good taste in anime, even if she wasn’t quite ready to trust her taste in clothes.

More confessions soon,

The Stitcher